Someone brought to my attention today that I may want to seek some psychological help. I don't believe I do, but thought I'd put this out there for the masses.
To all you women out there that have had a miscarriage:
Do I need help because I ask someone to stop asking me if I'm pregnant all the time? Do I need help because it's difficult for me to be around someone with the same due date I had and see their beautiful, big belly? Do I need help because I'm not over it completely yet?
When someone asks me if I'm pregnant, it puts pressure on me to get pregnant quickly so I can make them happy by saying yes. But I can't say yes, because I'm not pregnant yet, and that makes me feel like shit.
I thought what I was feeling/experiencing was normal, but maybe it's not. Comments?
Edited to add: I have deleted a comment or two that I felt were a little too harsh to post on here. I don't want this to be an attack on the person who said that to me. This isn't about that person.
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10 comments:
Amy- No, you don't need help. I think what you are feeling is normal. I felt the same way after my miscarriage (I had been due 3 days before a coworker whom I was good friends with, and that was so hard.). Anyways, I know how you feel. Even though I have two kids now, I still remember how I felt after the miscarriage. I don't think it ever goes away, and maybe it shouldn't. That loss is always going to be a part of me, and that is just how it is. I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Let me know if you want to talk about it.
Nadine
NO you don't need help!
Amy,
This probably won't help, but I sometimes wonder if anyone EVER "gets over it". I'm not sure I will.
One of my dear friends is due the day before I would've been and I saw her belly shot today.
While I'm so happy for her, I can't help but feel a little sad for me
("That would be me, I would be more than halfway, what would I be doing to prepare right now...") and on and on. The scary part, for me, is that I think July will actually be the hardest.
This is rambly, sorry, but the bottom line is YES I think you are perfectly normal!
Take Care!
Kristen
No, you are not wrong to ask that person to stop asking you if you're pregnant. Besides it being a sensitive topic because of the miscarriage, it's really just not that person's business. That person should not try to take away your moment of joy when you get to make that grand announcement. That is your news to share when you are good and ready. And because you had a miscarriage, you might even want to delay telling everyone when you do become pregnant because you'll be even more worried about losing it.
I feel exactly the same way about pregnant women. I'm not over it either and I doubt I ever will be completely. That doesn't make me crazy and in need of professional help (although I have sought professional help in the past on a somewhat unrelated topic and it was very helpful). What you are experiencing sounds very common to me and from what I've heard from other women who've experienced miscarriage.
I had a miscarriage the same week as you, and I've been lurking you since. I started seeing someone at the end of January. It's the best thing I've done for myself for a long time. I think your emotions are normal. My counsellor (who's had a miscarriage) thinks mine are too. That being said, we're going through some extreme grief -- something I, at least, have never before experienced. Though we don't want to believe it, we have a chance of having this or many other difficult or tragic events happening again. Successful pregnancy or not, I want to be as mentally healthy as I can be as I go forward. Someone once told me that counselling is like a tune up for your mind. You would bring your car to a mechanic if you heard a knock in the engine. Why wait for a total break down before taking care of your mental health? -Rachel
hey ames,
all i'm gunna say about the blog, is simply after my situation i was not right in the head... i saw a psychiatrist and have been for a few years... it helped me get over it and move on with my life... but also continues to help me keep straight everyday... i dont know how to explain it... but i dont think it ever hurts to seek/ask for help... and if its not for u, then u never have to go again... u know? i didn't realize how much i needed it until after my ordeal though...
Love you
Yes, you may want to consider talking to someone. It doesn't mean you're 'broken' or that your feelings aren't normal - if you're feeling them, they're completely normal. Your sentiments are justified. But you may still benefit from someone to talk to and help you through this time. You have expressed some anger and sadness and frustration. All normal. But I'm sure you don't want to feel that way for a long time. It's not a problem to seek help. It's not a bad thing. Counselors can't fix the situation, but they may be able to help you get through it faster or help you to feel more settled. It's not an end solution, but seeing someone is just one component to the whole process of grieving and coping.
I don't think it's something you're ever completely over. Honestly. And we are all entitled to our feelings and people shouldn't discredit them.... lots of lurve babe!
I'm new to your blog, but I've read a bit of it and I wanted to leave you a comment.
I don't think you need a psychiatrist, unless you feel like you need someone to talk to.
I personally find blogging is like therapy to me. I can type it all out there, hit that post button and poof! It's gone. Not really gone...but I've been able to vent and the issue is no longer eating me alive. Know what I mean?
Hang in there...here's a virtual hug for you (((hug)))
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