Thursday, February 22, 2007


I need to apologize in advance for anyone I offend by the following post. This is my outlet and I reserve the right to vent as I please. If you are easily offended, please don't continue reading.

I get so frustrated with the bitching of women who already have children, or at least one child, and are trying to conceive another. I just want to shake them and say, "Suck it up! You're one of the have a kid! Go hug them and be thankful for them and get over yourself!"

Those of us who have lost our pregnancies and don't yet have children are in a special category. We don't know if we'll ever have your charmed lives. So when I hear you complain about having too many years between your children because trying to conceive the second or third time isn't as easy as the first, I just want to hit you. Whether they're two, three, or even ten years apart doesn't matter! And the women who want to have another baby because "they're so sweet and innocent and cute" make me want to barf. That's not a reason to have a child. They do grow up, you know. Are you just going to keep having kids until your uterus falls out just because you like babies?

I have made so many friends online (and in real life) that have miscarried their first pregnancies. A few of them have miscarried a few times in a row and they still don't have the children they desperately want. How can you complain about the efforts of trying to conceive another when there are people like us out there? Get over yourself. Seriously.

Oh, and also, stop asking me if I'm pregnant yet. I will tell you when I'm good and ready!



canape said...

Whew. That felt good even though I only read it.

{{{Hugs and understanding}}}

Anonymous said...

from mom2hannaheliand3

enfant07 once told me that no woman should ever have to lose her first child. I agree with her wholehearted. [[HUGS]] It really sucks.

girl said...

I lost my first. I get what you're feeling, in a weird sort of way. I am hoping and praying and luvin' ya babe!

Karaoke Diva said...

I am that woman who who already has a child and still bitches about how long it's taking me to conceive the second. I still get where you're coming from. You ARE in a special category and I don't begrudge you your anger and frustration.

Andria said...

It's not always a charmed life.
I was raped when I was 16, and had a daughter as a result of that rape when I was 17. My husband came into our lives years later, and is the only father she has ever known. (the rapist was prosecuted, and rights terminated.)
I have since developed "secondary infertility". And, it's a bitch. I would love to give my daughter a sibling, and my husband a child. Whether we have had kids already or not, it still hurts when you can't conceive. You are faced with failure, the grief of miscarriages, etc. We all hurt together.
As for the question of you being pregnant yet- argh!! I know!!! I get so tired of people asking the same thing. I would probably tell people, if they could learn to be a little sympathetic when they find out that you miscarry. It's these people who have made me afraid of revealing much.
Anywho, much love to you and your DH- and many prayers sent your way. :)

Amy said...

Andria, you're right. It's not always a charmed life and I'm so sorry for what you've been through. As always, there are exceptions to every generalization. I do hope you get pregnant and carry a baby to term very soon and get that child/sibling your family desires. Thank you for sharing with me.

I wrote that post in a moment of frustration and self pity and looking back on it sort of shames me. But, it was my truth at that moment.

Andria said...

It's nothing to be ashamed of- you have been through a HORRIBLE thing. Yes, there are things much worse, but losing your child is a bitch. Plain and simple. I get tired of hearing people say, "well, at least it didn't die at birth". Passing that tissue WAS birth to me. I believe that we mothers (fathers too!) that have lost our children have a right to vent. In the beginning, I wasn't allowed that (I have a crappy sister-in-law) and held it all in. It resulted in MONTHS of depression and therapy.
Chin up... you'll get there!

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