Friday, January 12, 2007

Maleah's Funeral

Today was Maleah's funeral. I did okay for most of it. I got a little teary when we were first there and hanging out in the funeral home so I walked outside and got some air. I was even okay during the graveside service. I cried a little, but no more than anyone else.

Afterward the service, my friend had bought two dozen pink balloons to release for Maleah. I wasn't going to take one and leave it just for family to do. However, a friend of ours had gotten one and he's someone I've talked to about our miscarriage because he's been through 2 of them with his wife, and he handed his balloon to me. Instead of refusing like I should have, I took it.

The second I took the balloon from him, I started thinking about my little baby that I lost and the emotions just completely overwhelmed me. I wanted to take a picture of all the balloons in the sky to post on here as a tribute to her, but I was just sobbing uncontrollably. I turned away from everyone and walked a few steps away so I didn't cause a scene (I was crying LOUD). The friend who gave me the balloon came over and hugged me and talked to me and when we released each other, all of the other balloons were already high in the sky. I let go of mine without even thinking about it. I just wanted it to catch up to the other ones.

After that, everyone gathered again under the tent to say their goodbyes and the cemetary workers started doing their thing and that's when I had to leave. Once I saw shovels, that was it for me.

The one thing I really loved about where they buried her is that she's just a few steps from a large tree. Hanging from the tree are several windchimes and it made some beautiful music. It was really nice.

Now it's over and I'm feeling much better than I thought I would. I thought this would bring me down for the rest of the day, but I'm okay. Maybe now that I got my period and went to the funeral, the book can close on this miscarriage and I can get on with my life. That would be nice.


Mom said...

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been. I am so glad you took that balloon and released it because I think you released a lot more than the balloon. I am so proud of you for being there for your friend.

gail said...

I am glad you took the balloon. Your moms is right, you're a wonderful heartful friend!

Erika said...

Wow! You are very brave, but it sounds like you got some closure and a place to really let it out. I hope that this can only let you heal more and look to the future. If I could hug you through the internet, I would! :)

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