Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Rough patch

Carter and I are going through a rough patch right now. He's not sleeping and he's crying a lot and it's making me a little bit crazed. Yesterday I found myself sobbing and yelling and begging him to please please please stop crying. For a brief second, I understood Shaken Baby Syndrome. Please understand, I would never ever hurt him. I knew had to put him down and walk away because I was about to totally lose control. It was scary for me to feel that way. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. And the guilt is just intense.

Last night, by 2 a.m. I'd lost count of how many times I'd gotten up to soothe him and get him back to sleep. Every time he'd fall asleep, he'd start screaming the second I put him back in the crib. It's so frustrating. Finally, I just brought him into the living room with me for the rest of the night. He sleeps only slightly better when he's right next to me.

The good news is that I've realized that he doesn't always need to nurse when he's screaming in the middle of the night. I can usually calm him within 5 minutes by just holding the paci in his mouth and rocking him on the glider as hard as I can until he calms enough to realize the paci is there and starts sucking on it. And if I can't calm him within 5 minutes, then it's time to nurse him as a last resort. That ALWAYS works but I don't want him to be completely dependent on it.

I know that this phase will pass and one day he will sleep. It may be his first night away at college though...

10 comments:

Mom said...

You do realize that LACK OF SLEEP and constant crying will do that to anyone. I remember crying and saying the same things when you kids were babies. I promise when you are a grandmother you could listen to all the crying in the world and you will feel differently...it only takes 25-30 years. When it happens (and it will again) you need to realize you are not alone with your feelings but also that he totally cannot control whatever it is that is bothering him. You NEVER have to deal with it alone---I'm here. It sounded like you could have used a mom run during the night---my phone didn't ring. I could be there in no time.

Holly said...

Hang in there girl... we all go through it! You are doing awesome with C & he knows how much you love him. He feels it in your every touch, warm embrace & gentle kiss. Have Chris help you more during the nights he gets like this - it's not fair that you suffer through it alone. You need sleep just as much as everybody else. The stressful nights make for exhausting days & breastfeeding nightmares. You are a strong woman & are doing everything right. This too, my friend, shall pass.

MollyDoll said...

I've had those moments, too. I think every mom has, so don't feel guilty. What separates the good moms from the bad is that the good moms put the baby down and walk away when they're feeling that way. And you're a good mom.

Steph said...

ITA with MollyDoll! The good moms just put the baby down and realize that it's safer to let them cry than to continue to deal with them!

He's 4 months right?? He'll get over this, really!! It happens to MOST babies at 4 months (i wont say all, as there are a few who sleep through the night from the beginning).

I'm Not Skippy said...

I totally know what you mean about understanding shaken baby syndrome. When the baby gets like that the instinctual thing is to shake them. You did the right thing, lay him down take a little walk and come back. I've felt it and done it a couple times.

I know I've gloated about my son sleeping through the night. But sleeping through the night includes getting up 6 times to replace the pacifier and get him back to sleep. And he doesn't want to go to sleep during the day normally, he screams for up to an hour to fight sleep.

Try comforting him without picking him up out of the crib. For us, once we pull him out we lose.

sterlingirl said...

About this age is when my girl started waking up every hour. It passes. Hang in there.

NG said...

Oh... I HEAR you. I know it seems endless now, but I promise it gets better. And then it gets worse again. But then it gets better again and eventually it all evens out. Just doesn't seem like that now, does it?

Our family is complete said...

Don't feel down on yourself everyone goes through this. My first son did the same thing morning, noon and night. He would just cry all the time and found myself pleading with him to please stop. Unfortunately he couldnt' understand so I would just go lay him in his crib where he couldn't hurt himself and would just walk away and compose myself. It usually meant crying or screaming myself. We had to eventually do CIO with him because nothing else worked. I am not saying that is the solution all the time, but it is what worked for us at the time. We didn't do it till he was over 6 mo old. Peyton my second son is a rough sleeper too. He was up for 2 hours last night just screaming his little head off. He is set in his ways and usually will go back to sleep with just a paci, but some times he wants food and will not go to sleep without it. I can assure you it does get better. Once they start doing less sleep during the day and sleep more at night it is much easier. Like you said it is a phase and it will pass. Once Carter is 9 mo old you will look back and read your blog and say wow was he really like that. Just keep telling yourself you are an aweosome mom and you are doing a great job. Boys can be stubborn as babies but are such loving caring toddlers. My son Carter was a rough baby but he is the sweetest most caring boy now. I just hope Peyton is the same way. Sorry this got long I just know exactly what you are going through.

Amy

steph said...

I sympathize with you. My older one, brandon was not a very good sleeper. there were weeks that we were up 24/7. I finally realized that someof those nights he jut needed the swing. but, i also felt like I wanted to cry. You are not alone. if you would like to call me in the middle of the night just to cry that is okay. I am here. you are not the only one going throuh this. you have tons of support.
steph

Anonymous said...

I have totally been where you are at with both of my children especially when I returned to work and was exhausted. My youngest is finally sleeping through the majority of the night (he's 2) but we still have our nights were I am rocking him and pleading for him to stop crying because I'm so tired. You sound like a wonderful mom and would never hurt Carter no matter what. It is normal for us tired moms to feel frustrated but it also shows what a good mom you are because you dealt with it safely instead of hurting him.Keep talking to others about how you feel, it will definitely soothe out the guilt and the rough patches. Take care guys!

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