I'm not a good friend. I know this about myself, yet I can't seem to do anything about it.
I have very few real friends. I have plenty of acquaintances, but not people I'm really close to. My best friend only lives a little over an hour away, yet I rarely talk to her on the phone or see her in person.
I try to make friends. I try to talk to other moms at the mall, or the playground, online, or wherever, but nothing really ever comes of it. And my friends that I do have, well, I have trouble maintaining those relationships. I don't call them on the phone because I feel like it would seem weird to call just to talk. I feel like I'd need something to say and I can never really think of any GOOD reason to interrupt their time spent with their family. I have two sisters-in-law that I really, really like. Yet I don't put forth the effort it takes to be close with them. I don't know why, really. They're both approachable and both go out of their way for me, yet for some reason I don't reciprocate. I'm lazy, or self-centered, or something, I suppose.
I made a New Years Resolution this year to be a better friend. Yet, I've done nothing so far to obtain that goal. I went to North Carolina for a weekend to see my friend Marty and I feel like that was a step in the right direction. Yet, that was weeks ago and I haven't called her since then. Haven't made a single effort to maintain that relationship. Why do I do that??? What is wrong with me? I've lost several friendships over the years because I felt that I was putting forth more effort than they were. Yet, there seems to be a recurring theme and just maybe I needed to take a step back and think that perhaps it was ME that was the problem.
And now that I realize that I have this problem, I have no excuse to not work on it.