3 years

It's almost three years to the day from when we lost the Nugget. I don't think about it as often, even though we keep our sonogram picture up on the refrigerator. I can talk about our miscarriage and not cry (usually). I thought I was healed.

And then I watched part of Marley and Me, and all those feelings came rushing in and the tears started flowing. There's a scene where she's having a sonogram and there is no blinking little spot. No heartbeat. And the memories and feelings of being in that doctor's office and realizing that our baby was gone were as real as if they'd happened yesterday.

I thank God for Carter every day, but especially on days like this when the darkness hits and the sadness stays with me. He's my sunshine. My meaning of life.

My baby boy wouldn't be here if we hadn't lost his big brother or sister. And for that baby and that experience, I am forever grateful. Because now we have Carter and he is the truest blessing.