Sunday, December 06, 2009

3 years

It's almost three years to the day from when we lost the Nugget. I don't think about it as often, even though we keep our sonogram picture up on the refrigerator. I can talk about our miscarriage and not cry (usually). I thought I was healed.

And then I watched part of Marley and Me, and all those feelings came rushing in and the tears started flowing. There's a scene where she's having a sonogram and there is no blinking little spot. No heartbeat. And the memories and feelings of being in that doctor's office and realizing that our baby was gone were as real as if they'd happened yesterday.

I thank God for Carter every day, but especially on days like this when the darkness hits and the sadness stays with me. He's my sunshine. My meaning of life.

My baby boy wouldn't be here if we hadn't lost his big brother or sister. And for that baby and that experience, I am forever grateful. Because now we have Carter and he is the truest blessing.


Marty, a.k.a. canape said...


Tiffany said...

That was so sweet and beautifully worded. I started reading your blog because we were both due in July 2007 and I was devastated by your loss of your Nugget. I am so happy that Carter came into your lives. He is a lucky little one.

@sweetbabboo said...

I know what you mean. I did my best to not cry during that part because I didn't want to upset my hubby but then I looked over to see tears in his eyes and I started bawling.

I'm so happy that you have your little Carter as well as your memories of the other babies. I'm also glad that you are able to talk about it here because other moms need to know that others have been through the same thing. They need to hear it's not just them and that it's ok to feel the way they do.

Take care.


NG said...

Well said. It never goes away, that loss, it just becomes more a part of you and what you live with. Sending good thoughts your way...

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