New Year....New Bed

New Years Eve seemed like a good night to start Carter in his toddler bed. We took the front off and attached the rails and he was so excited. He was running in and out of his room, getting into bed, getting out of bed, taking his pillow places and putting it back in his bed. It was awesome.

He went to sleep with no problem. Tomorrow morning may be a different story, though. I'm anticipating a small person licking my nose and saying, "Wake up, Mommy!" at 6 a.m.

Wish us luck!

Some pics of him trying out his new bed. The last one is about 9:00 tonight, after he'd been in bed for about an hour. So far, so good!

School

Ever since the infamous biting incident this summer, we've been trying to get Carter enrolled at Child Development Center near our house. They don't take children under 2 years old so we had to wait until November to even get on the real waitlist (before that, we were waitlisted to be on the waitlist). But, after some persistent calling and begging and chatting, they moved us up based on our "urgent" need and Carter has now been accepted! He'll be going all day and be in a class with 19 other children 2-3 years old. I'm so excited for him...he's going to love it. And the great part for us is that the hours are longer and we're paying the same as were were for part-time care with his current provider. Plus, they feed him lunch trucked in from the local elementary school so I know he's getting a variety of foods rather than just the chicken nuggets, hot dogs, and Chef Boyardee that I'm fairly confident he gets every day now.

We really think he's ready for school. He can recognize all the letters of the alphabet and knows what sound the majority of them make. His favorite car game is to have us do "letters" where we ask him what certain letters say and he tells us the sound. He's pretty darn good at it for being barely two!

He's going to miss his friends, I'm sure, but I'm hopeful he'll make new ones quickly. I'm anxious about the transition but maybe he'll surprise us. We're going to take him a few times beforehand to play for a few hours and then I'm taking off work on his first day so I can be there for a while in the morning if he needs me, and come early if he needs that as well. It's going to be quite a change for him.

Can't and Have To

Carter's new thing? Saying he can't do something, usually pertaining to not being able to reach something. He says, "I caaaan't, I caaaan't." And then if he asks you to do something (like read the book Aunt Jamie got him for the 100th time) and you say no, he tells you that you have to. I say, "No, I don't have to" and he says, "Yes. Have to." It's kind of funny. No idea where he got it from though. I'll blame it on daycare.

Close Trees!

Poor Carter. We're getting new windows tomorrow morning so we took the curtains and curtain rod off his window in preparation so we wouldn't have to do it tomorrow before work/school. I put Carter to bed and made it as far as our room (just across the living room) when he started crying really hard. It was a different cry than his usual I-don't-want-to-go-to-sleep cry. I went in to him and he started asking me to "close trees" in between sobs. He was crying so hard he was shaking and sweating. And it had only been like 2 minutes! I looked out the window and the trees were lightly illuminated from the light from our building. He was scared and wanted me to close his curtains. The trees are really tall and don't have any leaves and it was freaking him out. Poor baby. So we put his curtains back up and I'll just have to take them down in the morning.

Holiday Weekend

This past weekend was chock-full of holiday activities. On Saturday morning, we headed out to a local church that was hosting a free Breakfast with Santa. Carter loved the puppets singing Christmas songs, and the muffins, and seeing Santa. But sitting on Santa's lap? Not so much. He freaked out so quickly we couldn't even get a picture. Oh well. The best part was when we were all trying to get Santa to come out, the whole place was singing Jingle Bells and Carter was singing along with us. It was so cute!

After his nap, we headed up to Maryland to celebrate Hanukkah with my family. Carter played with his cousins, and sang the dreidel song, and loved opening presents. He got some great gifts and was such a good boy the whole day.

On Sunday, Carter and I went to a Hanukkah party sponsored by a local synagogue. We didn't stay long because it was really crowded and a little overwhelming but he colored some pictures, and got some stickers, and played with Legos with other kids before he was ready to head home. We didn't even last long enough to get some latkes and donuts, but I'm grateful for that. Or, rather, my slowing shrinking thighs are.

He's a genius

3 years

It's almost three years to the day from when we lost the Nugget. I don't think about it as often, even though we keep our sonogram picture up on the refrigerator. I can talk about our miscarriage and not cry (usually). I thought I was healed.

And then I watched part of Marley and Me, and all those feelings came rushing in and the tears started flowing. There's a scene where she's having a sonogram and there is no blinking little spot. No heartbeat. And the memories and feelings of being in that doctor's office and realizing that our baby was gone were as real as if they'd happened yesterday.

I thank God for Carter every day, but especially on days like this when the darkness hits and the sadness stays with me. He's my sunshine. My meaning of life.

My baby boy wouldn't be here if we hadn't lost his big brother or sister. And for that baby and that experience, I am forever grateful. Because now we have Carter and he is the truest blessing.