The Secret

3/19/07
No, not The Secret. OUR secret. The one I've been keeping from you for a few weeks now. The one that's been making me lose sleep, and get more zits, and eat all the time. You know the one. We're pregnant again.

Why haven't I told you such an important thing? Well, for one, I was nervous. I wanted to get through our first ultrasound and make sure that our baby is measuring correctly. If you recall, that was the start of the downfall last time. Second, in theory I didn't want to tell anyone until after I deliver. But I felt like I owe it to you (my five non-family readers) to share my experience, good and bad. You were there at my worst times and now I'm hoping to share my best times. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

So, here's the scoop. Apparently, I did ovulate. And, despite my midwife and acupuncture doctor telling me that I wouldn't get pregnant this month, I did. I had a good feeling at the beginning of the month, and I really did everything I was supposed to do to ensure we'd get pregnant again. I temped, I did acupuncture, I laid in bed at a 45 degree angle for an hour afterwards, I used opks, and we BD'd like crazy. I swear I felt it the minute the sperm penetrated my egg. I knew. And at 7 dpo (days past ovulation), I began to feel things. My boobs were heavier and hurt when I took my bra off. I felt pulling in my lower abdomen (which I hadn't felt since I was 5 weeks pregnant last time). I had a few new zits on my face, and a million on my scalp. All signs were pointing towards Pregnant.

So, at 9 dpo I took a test. BFN. I knew it was too early. I couldn't help myself. I told myself and everyone in Beige Box Land that I was waiting until 13 dpo, which is when I tested positive last time. I believed myself. But, at 10 dpo I was REALLY convinced I was pregnant. I mentioned it to Chris, even though I was scared that would jinx it. I took a test on March 18th. This is what it looked like:
Looks good, right? Well, when I told my mother later that afternoon, she was scared that because it was a digital test, that somehow it malfunctioned and may not be right. She insisted I take another one the next day. After all, I wasn't supposed to be pregnant...I wasn't even ovulating! Needless to say, I got the same result the next morning. It was official. I was pregnant.

Chris and I decided at that point to only tell our parents and our bosses. Our parents because, well, they're our parents. And our bosses because there were bound to be a ton of doctor's appointments we'd need to take time off work for. And then there were my Peas. I had to tell my Peas.

Who are my Peas? They are the most amazing, supportive, wonderful women in the world. They've been my rock for the past few months. Too bad they all live on the Internet. Well, they're real people, but I've never met any of them. And they know me better than most "real life" people do. They've cried with me and hugged me and really been there for me. I'm blessed to have found them. My Peas were so happy when I shared the news and that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So, that's the story. I'm sorry I kept a secret from you but I'm sure you understand.

Oh, and our Turkey is due on November 30th. :-)

3/23/07
I noticed some spotting this morning and I'm so scared. I really hope it's just a weird thing and will go away. Think postive thoughts, think positive thoughts. I will be...heartbroken...if I lose another baby.

I had my blood drawn the other day to check my hcg and progesterone levels. My progesterone was good but my hcg was a little low. That's probably due to how early I took the test, though. I had blood redrawn yesterday to make sure my numbers are at least doubling and my hands are sweating awaiting those results.

Please let my baby make it through this pregnancy.

UPDATE: My hcg levels have gone way up from 38 on Monday to 194 on Thursday (yesterday), so that's good news. The not so great news is that my progesterone went down and that could be why I'm spotting. I'm waiting to hear from the doctor's office to determine if I need to get a supplement of some sort.

4/9/07
The spotting turned out to be nothing. My midwife thinks it was just leftover implantation bleeding.

Today we had our first ultrasound. I didn't sleep all night. I kept playing different scenarios in my head and was so scared that I'd see another dead baby on that screen. BUT, everything looked great! The Turkey's heart rate was 122bpm, which is normal for how early we are, and he's measuring right on time. Thank God!! I was so scared and now I'm so relieved.
The bulbous part you see on the left is the yolk sac, and the baby is on the right of the yolk sac.

I know it's not a guarantee that everything will turn out okay, but, for today at least, I'm finally really excited about this pregnancy. Thanks everyone for your prayers and crossed fingers and good juju!