9 Weeks

This week, and more particularly today, two big things happened. First, we graduated from embryo to fetus. Second, and more importantly, today (9w2d) is when the last pregnancy went to shit. Yet, two days ago we saw a beautiful little beating heart under a really, really big head. It's really scary and amazing to me that we've made it to this point. I'm still nervous that something could go wrong, and I probably will be for the rest of my pregnancy, but I'm feeling just a little more secure now.

I'm feeling good. I pee about a hundred times a night, which is grossly impacting my ability to sleep, but that at least tells me that things are still growing and going well, so I can live with it. My boobs have now been hurting me for 6 weeks. Six Weeks! That's a long time to have sore boobies. Again, it just reassures me that everything's okay. I gag when I brush my teeth but other than that, no morning sickness. My only real craving is fruit, and lots of it. I can't get enough fruit.

Speaking of fruit, that's the very thing that started my day off on the wrong foot yesterday. I just couldn't get any meals right. It was horrible and frustrating. First, I bought some fruit at Safeway but it didn't ring up correctly (it was supposed to be BOGO). The cashier tried to tell me that I couldn't mix and match and that's why I didn't get the discount. I called bullshit on that and got very upset with the customer service lady and was telling her that it's false advertising and it's just not right. I was really, really angry. Then she fixed it for me and I apologized to her for my snapping at her and explained that I was pregnant and the rage takes a hold every once in a while. She told me that it was okay, that she'd been through it 3 times, and she understood. Then, I started crying. I was so upset that I had treated her that way that the tears were just falling down my face. I was a wreck. All over the damn fruit!

Then, for lunch, we decided to get Ledo. Normally, I'd get my small cheese pizza and be happy. But, for once, that wasn't appealing to me. What was appealing to me was a salad with their honey mustard dressing (it's the best dressing EVER). So, I ordered two of them. My coworker picked them up, I opened the container, and couldn't eat it. The lettuce was so old that it had turned pink. The carrot had black spots on it like mold. I was so disappointed. You know how once you get your mind set on a meal, and it doesn't work out, there's just no substitute? That's how I felt. I wound up eating cantaloupe and a nutty bar. Soooo not the same.

Then, dinnertime came around. I was supposed to meet my friend Jeff for dinner because he's in from San Diego for the weekend but his flight got delayed and by the time we'd have been able to get together, it would have been way past my bedtime. So, then we decided that I'd pick up WrapWorks since I was getting my eyebrows done in Reston anyway, and it's right there. It's my favorite place and I only get to eat there once a month when I get my brows done. I could almost taste the Colonel Mustard. The delicious mango, the plump mushrooms, the yummy black beans....

When I walked over there, they were CLOSED DOWN! No sign, nothing inside, empty. I almost cried right then and there. Another meal ruined. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was DYING for WrapWorks. Dying! I called Chris and we decided to make pizza bagels. They were fine, but they were no Colonel Mustard. Boo.

So far today, I've started off on the right foot. I had a fabulous bagel with cream cheese and strawberry jam. Mmmm! Let's hope the trend continues because I don't think I can take another food day like yesterday. I really can't.

Just Amazing

This morning, Chris and I had an ultrasound. I had some very light spotting last week so we used that as an excuse to see our Turkey again and really just give me some peace of mind. I tossed and turned all last night, having visions of having to tell people again that we lost another baby. I was just terrified.

But, as soon as I put the wand in (it was another x-rated ultrasound...gotta love 'em!) we could see that our little one was much bigger than last time and way bigger than the last baby ever got. She's measuring one inch from head to butt. We saw her little heart pumping away and the blood flowing through her umbilical cord (what looks to be a long leg in the picture). It was so cool. Then the tech turned on the sound and we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. I was just beside myself. It was amazing. Her heart rate was 172 bpm, which is much faster than last visit. She's measuring perfectly for 9 weeks.

In the pic, you can see her big ole head, the spot where one of her eyes is, a leg, an arm if you use your imagination, and the yolk sac (on the left). The yolk sac is slowly becoming useless as my body takes over nourishing her. You can also see the outline of the amniotic sac to the right of the yolk sac. Slowly, that's moving toward my uterine walls.

Anniversary

One year ago yesterday, I married the love of my life. I'm forever thankful that we found each other.

8 Weeks

Can you see a difference? In pictures, I can't tell too much, but my pants definitely don't fit anymore. I think it looks more rounded, but I could be biased. :-)

By the way, Dr. Zhang (my acupuncturist) told me last night that I'm having a girl. He said he's been right 85% of the time. I told him that also goes with what the Chinese Calendar says and he explained the whole beginning of that calendar and stuff. It was pretty interesting. Apparently, they did a lot of research in ancient times when the Emperor had gazillions of wives. They wanted to figure out the best way to get male heirs, so they researched the age of the women and month of conception and outcome of the pregnancy and came up with this calendar. He says it's about 80% accurate. So, between him and the calendar, I guess we'll be having an Ambrosia instead of a D'Cadillac. Very cool!

Update

Not much to update. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday but it was just a quick one to go over my bloodwork from last week. Everything looked fine. Hcg was 55,000 and progesterone was 12.8. Seemed a little low to me, but my doc said it was good. I go back in 4 weeks.

I had a little bit of spotting over the weekend, but it was very similar to what I had a few weeks ago and that was fine, so I didn't panic too much. Yes, I definitely had my moments of fearing the worst, but once Chris got home it eased my mind.

I've been reading Pregnancy After a Loss and it's really helped me. I really recommend it for anybody that's dealing with a loss (stillbirth, miscarriage, infant loss) and thinking of moving forward. It's really set my mind at ease quite a bit. It has a lot of stories of women who have experienced horrible losses but went on to have healthy babies. For some of them, it was a little more difficult for others, but it really helped put my situation in perspective for me and made me a little more hopeful. I don't think I'll ever relax until the baby is out and crying, but for now it gives me some reassurance that I need.

Tomorrow marks 8 weeks. Our Turkey is the size of a kidney bean. You'd never know he's that small considering my expanding waistline...

Weekend

Chris is going to Delaware this weekend, which means I have the place all to myself. Normally, that would mean staying in bed all day and not showering until an hour before he gets home. But instead, I have higher hopes for myself.

Tomorrow I'm meeting a Pea at Babies R Us and then we're having lunch. Should be fun! I also want to finish the laundry, clean the kitchen and bathroom, vacuum the condo, and straighten the living room/dining room. I bet out of that whole list, the only thing I'll accomplish is meeting my Pea friend. I bet you. I'm lazy like that. I should really have more faith in myself. Eh.

IS IT NORMAL???

...For a 6.5-7 week pregnant woman's breasts to smell of dried(or sour) milk? Last night the both of us were smelling them to make sure, but we couldn't place it. Amy noticed the smell the other day, and I did last night. Is this even possible?

-DH

Foods I Love

Fried Matzah - Oh so delicious and filling. With a ton of sugar sprinkled on top. I just can't get enough. Thank goodness matzah is $2.99 for 5 boxes! And that eggs were on sale because of Easter. It doesn't get any better.

Apple & Cinnamon Instant Oatmeal - I ate four packets this morning. I was craving it so bad last night that I was on the verge of tears. It was worth the wait.

FiberOne Chewy Bars - 9g of fiber and chocolate oat-y goodness. Enough said.

Dannon All Natural Blueberry Yogurt - I never realized that the low-fat yogurt I normally get tastes like artificial sweetener until I tasted this yumminess. The serving size is tiny so I normally eat two of them, but I am soooo over fat-free yogurt. It's nasty. This...is delicious.

Ledo Pizza - I could eat there every night of the week. Seriously.

This is by no means a complete list but all my sleep-deprived mind can think of right now. What are your favorites??

The Secret

3/19/07
No, not The Secret. OUR secret. The one I've been keeping from you for a few weeks now. The one that's been making me lose sleep, and get more zits, and eat all the time. You know the one. We're pregnant again.

Why haven't I told you such an important thing? Well, for one, I was nervous. I wanted to get through our first ultrasound and make sure that our baby is measuring correctly. If you recall, that was the start of the downfall last time. Second, in theory I didn't want to tell anyone until after I deliver. But I felt like I owe it to you (my five non-family readers) to share my experience, good and bad. You were there at my worst times and now I'm hoping to share my best times. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

So, here's the scoop. Apparently, I did ovulate. And, despite my midwife and acupuncture doctor telling me that I wouldn't get pregnant this month, I did. I had a good feeling at the beginning of the month, and I really did everything I was supposed to do to ensure we'd get pregnant again. I temped, I did acupuncture, I laid in bed at a 45 degree angle for an hour afterwards, I used opks, and we BD'd like crazy. I swear I felt it the minute the sperm penetrated my egg. I knew. And at 7 dpo (days past ovulation), I began to feel things. My boobs were heavier and hurt when I took my bra off. I felt pulling in my lower abdomen (which I hadn't felt since I was 5 weeks pregnant last time). I had a few new zits on my face, and a million on my scalp. All signs were pointing towards Pregnant.

So, at 9 dpo I took a test. BFN. I knew it was too early. I couldn't help myself. I told myself and everyone in Beige Box Land that I was waiting until 13 dpo, which is when I tested positive last time. I believed myself. But, at 10 dpo I was REALLY convinced I was pregnant. I mentioned it to Chris, even though I was scared that would jinx it. I took a test on March 18th. This is what it looked like:
Looks good, right? Well, when I told my mother later that afternoon, she was scared that because it was a digital test, that somehow it malfunctioned and may not be right. She insisted I take another one the next day. After all, I wasn't supposed to be pregnant...I wasn't even ovulating! Needless to say, I got the same result the next morning. It was official. I was pregnant.

Chris and I decided at that point to only tell our parents and our bosses. Our parents because, well, they're our parents. And our bosses because there were bound to be a ton of doctor's appointments we'd need to take time off work for. And then there were my Peas. I had to tell my Peas.

Who are my Peas? They are the most amazing, supportive, wonderful women in the world. They've been my rock for the past few months. Too bad they all live on the Internet. Well, they're real people, but I've never met any of them. And they know me better than most "real life" people do. They've cried with me and hugged me and really been there for me. I'm blessed to have found them. My Peas were so happy when I shared the news and that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So, that's the story. I'm sorry I kept a secret from you but I'm sure you understand.

Oh, and our Turkey is due on November 30th. :-)

3/23/07
I noticed some spotting this morning and I'm so scared. I really hope it's just a weird thing and will go away. Think postive thoughts, think positive thoughts. I will be...heartbroken...if I lose another baby.

I had my blood drawn the other day to check my hcg and progesterone levels. My progesterone was good but my hcg was a little low. That's probably due to how early I took the test, though. I had blood redrawn yesterday to make sure my numbers are at least doubling and my hands are sweating awaiting those results.

Please let my baby make it through this pregnancy.

UPDATE: My hcg levels have gone way up from 38 on Monday to 194 on Thursday (yesterday), so that's good news. The not so great news is that my progesterone went down and that could be why I'm spotting. I'm waiting to hear from the doctor's office to determine if I need to get a supplement of some sort.

4/9/07
The spotting turned out to be nothing. My midwife thinks it was just leftover implantation bleeding.

Today we had our first ultrasound. I didn't sleep all night. I kept playing different scenarios in my head and was so scared that I'd see another dead baby on that screen. BUT, everything looked great! The Turkey's heart rate was 122bpm, which is normal for how early we are, and he's measuring right on time. Thank God!! I was so scared and now I'm so relieved.
The bulbous part you see on the left is the yolk sac, and the baby is on the right of the yolk sac.

I know it's not a guarantee that everything will turn out okay, but, for today at least, I'm finally really excited about this pregnancy. Thanks everyone for your prayers and crossed fingers and good juju!

Surreal

I found out yesterday that an acquaintance of mine from high school died on Sunday. I wasn't good friends with him, but he hung out a lot with my friend Paul. He also dated my friend Lauren for a little while. I don't know how he died, just that he did. It got me thinking about how many people I know from high school that have passed away. There are too many.

Mark Hoffman - He killed himself when I was 15. He was my best friend's brother. I don't think anyone that knew him has ever gotten over it. He was such a sweet kid and I felt like he was my little brother.

Scott Mazer - He killed himself the summer after my freshman year of college. I still think about him all the time. Sometimes I convince myself that it never happened. I'd known Scott since I was 8 years old.

Doug Adams - He died in a car accident several years ago. We weren't good friends but we sometimes dabbled in the same circles.

Jason Pinsky - He killed himself several years ago. He has a son. That makes me so sad. I remember him as very outgoing and the life of the party. I guess that was his mask.

Robert Fan - I think he died from a brain tumor a few years ago. I just heard about it yesterday when I found out about Erin dying. The irony is that Rob's sister just married Erin's brother. Rob was a nice, quiet kid. We used to call him Chill Rob in Math class.

Erin Kellner - He died on April Fools Day this year. One day after being the best man in his brother's wedding. It's so tragic.

It really saddens me to remember all these young lives cut short. I don't even have the words. It's all very surreal.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Good Morning to all,

Yes, it is my Birthday. It is a great day in history, today in 1939 Marvin P Gaye Jr, yes the singer of "Sexual Healing" was born...And due to this great man's singing, I was probably born too. I do believe that my lovely wife is happier about this day than I. Simply put, I am closer to her age at this time for another 6 months and 17 days. This is the happiest time of the year for her. She is easier to please, and she is much nicer to me when I am within the one year mark of her age. Just kidding...she is the same all year round, except leading up to and on my birthday when she rants and raves about the miniscule difference in our ages. HAHA! I got to wake up to a half asleep wife this a.m., but she did manage to awaken from her hibernatous (is that even a word) slumber and give me a great big, birthday kiss to send me on my way to work this a.m. Amy, you are the best birthday present any man could ask for, but don't worry, I won't be giving you to anyone for their birthdays!

Happy Birthday Marvin Gaye!

Happy Birthday, My Love!